News From the Agent

"HOLIDAY CHANGES"

DECEMBER 2024

This has been a year of a lot of changes for me. Included among the changes I have experienced are that my first child has been around a whole decade; I turned 40 (yikes!); and I have transferred from the Ware County UGA Extension Office, where I have served as the family and consumer sciences (FACS) county agent for the past six years, to the comfort of my hometown UGA Extension Office in Appling County, where I grew up as a 4-H’er under the tutelage of Janet Hollingsworth and Becky Collins.

These changes have sent me through a range of emotions, as one can imagine, but that last change mentioned has been a real doozie. I am so thrilled to be home and able to serve my community, but I am also nervous about keeping up the standards of the powerful presence that the previous FACS agents maintained. I think it will turn out alright; they did raise me after all. However, at the top of my holiday wish-list this year is that you will all bear with me as I adjust to this new shoe size, which is somewhat bigger than the pair I wore before.

Honestly, every year truly seems like a year of a lot of changes for me. I am betting that many of you feel the same way. Each year we all experience a list of things from new life to loss of loved ones, new jobs to retirement, new hobbies, new workouts, new homes, trusty vehicles finally giving out, illness, clean bills of health, ever-changing schedules of our children’s activities, or children growing up and moving out of the house. I cannot name all the changes we face each year; I do not even know what all there are!

Change makes us different. Sometimes it sets us back, sometimes it makes us grow, sometimes it is just a shift in what was. In her book, “Let Us Have Faith,” Helen Keller wrote, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

Sometimes we need to showcase our strength by becoming the agents of change in our lives and our families’ lives because we can see where there may be a struggle whether it be in physical wellness, relationships, finances, motivation, mental wellness, or anything else. Every change, even the most positive or basic, typically presents some feeling of discomfort because it is not the norm. Even daring to improve your family’s heart health by adjusting your great-grandmother’s cornbread dressing recipe to use low-sodium vegetable broth can invoke all manner of fear. (Seriously, they won’t notice the difference… just do it!)

I have felt and have heard of others feeling a kind of “meh” emotion regarding their overall holiday spirit this year. It has been difficult to motivate myself to get all my decorations up. I have lagged in holiday shopping. (Typically, I am way ahead of the game in the shopping department.) And friends, I do not even know if I am going to get Santa’s cookies baked – and I use store-bought sugar cookie dough! It all feels so overwhelming this year.

Sometimes life events will throw us off, and things will just feel overwhelming. These times are when it is imperative to “…behave like free spirits…” and adjust. If you are feeling any sense of “just-can’t-do-it” then maybe don’t. Figure out which part of this season is causing you anxiety, dread, sadness, frustration, or any negative feeling and omit it this year.

As a very basic example: I love the wreaths and garland with burgundy, gold-trimmed bows that I place on the front of my house each Christmas. They are, to me, the sweetest finishing touch to our holiday home décor. But this year these trimmings have been cluttering our bedroom floor for two weeks. Busy schedules, among other things, have kept me from completing this decorating task. As I have been typing, I have realized that these special decorations are causing me unnecessary stress this year and they need to be omitted from my to-do list. Just the thought of putting them back up in the attic when I get home is already lightening my load and easing my mind. I have recognized a limit that is new (and probably temporary) for me this year; and I am choosing to honor it.

If that example seems a bit too simple, perhaps it is. We all have varying tasks, engagements, and expectations throughout the holidays that weigh on us differently. Therefore, we all have different boundaries that we may need to set for our own health. In an article, Tips for Setting Boundaries, Jennifer Weichel with Michigan State University writes, “Boundaries allow us to cope with the realities of life, find balance and happiness, and keep our priorities in check.” This article primarily references personal and professional behavior boundaries, but the tips are applicable to adjusting to an overwhelming holiday season, as well:

• Recognize your own feelings. What is bothering you right now? Are there specific tasks or events that cause you stress or frustration? If you stop to think and discover what may feel like too much this year, you can find a way to adjust.
• Recognize when a boundary has been crossed. Are other people’s expectations infringing on your time or space? Sometimes setting boundaries means renegotiating a boundary you previously set.  
• Recognize what boundaries need to be set. Once you can identify what may be causing negative feelings, you can set a boundary to resolve the problem. Not to rehash old business, but those wreaths and bows are stressing me out because they are cluttering my floor and the thought of taking the time to hang them is making me sad because I feel like it will take more limited weekend quality time away from my kids. Is your problem something like that? Are you committed to too many holiday parties that are stretching you too far this year? Whatever it is, recognize it and find a way to set a boundary that works for you to resolve it.
• Make them known. Politely and firmly state your boundaries so they may be respected and understood. Your boundaries do not have to be debated; you get to decide what works for you.
• Take care of you. When others do not agree with your boundaries or you say no to something, you may feel guilty. Remember the movie Christmas with the Kranks? The main characters were berated and harassed by the whole town because they chose to overcome the sorrow of their first holiday season as empty nesters by skipping all holiday traditions and taking a cruise together. It is a funny fictional film. The behavior of everyone who did not respect the Kranks’ decisions to protect their own mental health (at no detriment to others) would not be funny in reality but is not a far reach from what we may experience from others when we set our own boundaries. You can find healthy ways to cope with any feelings of guilt you may have by exercising, meditating, or relaxing. You need to escape the drama that others may choose to create and let it go.

If you are finding yourself feeling like the traditional holiday festivities are just a little too much this year do not be afraid to “…behave like free spirits…” and set boundaries to help guide you and your family through a happy, holly, jolly season. 

For more information and programming on healthy habits, families, homes, food, lifestyles, and finances, contact Carrie Vanderver at the Appling County UGA Extension Office: 912-367-8130. Follow Appling County Extension Office on Facebook! The University of Georgia is an Equal Opportunity, Affirmative Action, Veteran, Disability Institution.